


Culaccino

by HuiLian



Series: Untranslatable [8]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Arguing, Fluff, Gen, Sibling Relationship, YeetDC2020, cameo from Alfred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23894986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian
Summary: Culaccino (Italian): The mark left on a table by a moist glassor, Steph took direct action in defusing an argument between Tim and Damian
Relationships: Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown and Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Series: Untranslatable [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/966711
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76





	Culaccino

**Author's Note:**

> hello! have some fluff that I wrote to exercise my writing muscles after months of not writing! and of course, writing Steph is always a fun thing to do!

“Give me that!” 

“No way in hell, Demonspawn! Get your own glass!” 

Steph, who had been watching Tim and Damian argue about a glass of juice for literally  _ five minutes _ , sighed. It was great that Damian was no longer challenging Tim to a death match every other day, but if the price for that was to watch them argue about the most inane things every single day, then Steph would choose the deathmatches. At least then Dick would actually come over to help. Petty arguments, like this very one, Dick left to her, citing her ‘big sister’ relationship to Damian and her actual relationship to Tim. Damian didn’t even want the juice until Tim got a glass. They were vigilantes, for God’s sake. They were supposed to be better than this! Sure, they could work together just fine on the streets, but once inside the safety of the Manor they just  _ would not stop arguing _ . 

Five minutes. Over a glass of juice. They were literally billionaires, they could afford thousands of juice boxes and thousands of glasses to put it in and still have literally billions to spare. What’s worse was that Steph knew,  _ from experience _ , that if left to their own devices, Tim and Damian could and would continue this argument until patrol time. Then, being the professionals that they were, they would suspend (suspend, not stop) their argument until everyone was back safely. It sounded like it was a courtesy they gave for the other members of their family risking their lives every single night to fight crime, but it is really not. It was simply just so  _ everyone _ would be treated to a front-row seat of the current TimAndDamian™ argument. 

Steph closed her eyes and tried to imagine the myriad of jerks she would punch in the face tonight to deal with the ever grating sound of the argument. It didn’t work. She even imagined their look of pure shock and the satisfaction that comes from knowing she (she! Stephanie Brown!) put that look there. 

Steph stood up and looked at the clock. Seven minutes of constant argument, now. Why she thought being a part of this family would be a good idea she would never know. 

See, de-escalating a TimAndDamian™ argument is not simple. For an argument like this one, some people might say to just give them two glasses of the exact same juice. And it might work, for people other than Tim and Damian. If Steph simply poured another glass of juice and gave it to either one of them, they would then argue about the glass of juice that she gave them or dismiss the juice she gave them as not being original, unworthy of their time and attention, and thus continue arguing about the original glass of juice. Unfortunately, she also knew this from experience. 

(Why they act like this with each other, Steph would never know. They didn’t do this to any other person! Tim did not start an argument just for the sake of starting an argument with anyone else. Damian could be persuaded to see reason with practically every other person. It’s simply the other that they couldn’t stand. And that forces Steph to have to watch this kind of argument every single day, since she actually wanted to spend time with the two of them.)

The solution to a TimAndDamian™ argument, then, is to remove the object of the argument. Of course, doing so would then incite their wrath to her, but Steph would take that rather than having to sit through another minute of their pointless conversation. She calmly walked towards the glass of juice. Tim and Damian were both so engrossed in their argument that they did not see her coming. 

Steph grabbed the glass of juice, and waited. If Tim or Damian were alone, they would definitely already noticed her by now. But they were together, and in their case, that is sometimes worse than being alone. After a couple seconds with still no reaction from either of them, Steph drank the juice. 

It was heavenly. Bruce, being Bruce, bought the very best of everything, even for something as mundane as a bottle of juice. Or rather, Alfred bought it, using Bruce’s money, but hey, the principle of it remains. The juice was sweet but not sickening. The orange taste was present in every single drop of that juice, very much unlike the cheap-ass juice Steph would usually buy. It was thick enough to be satisfying, yet thin enough to go down her throat easily. The coldness of the juice soothed her parching throat and did wonders for the headache she had acquired after listening to a patented TimAndDamian™ argument. 

Of course, since both Tim and Damian were still vigilantes (and some of the best ones), they eventually noticed that Steph was drinking the juice they had so viciously fought for. However, it was too late. Steph had drunk every last drop of that juice, leaving only the glass and the imprint of the condensation on the table. Alfred would scold her for that, since Alfred is a prude like that. (Steph loved Alfred, she really do, but he is  _ such _ a butler.) Or, Alfred would scold  _ the boys _ for that, because Steph was sure as hell not taking the fall for this one. 

Steph knew hell would come from both of them. Tim and Damian are only ever fighting against each other until they have a common enemy to fight against together. Judging from their glares, she would become that common enemy in three, two,...

“What have you done, Brown?” Ah, there it was. The lovely Damian Wayne™ threats. He always looked so cute when delivering that. The only thing preventing Steph from cooing was the knowledge that Damian could and would follow through on any threats he would make. 

“Steph!” If Damian went to menacing immediately, Tim went to indignant. Like he could not believe that Steph would do such a thing against him. Seriously, did that boy never learn? Steph had been messing with Tim for years and Tim still pulls this exact same unbelieving face every time. Though, Steph guessed that this time it hurt extra bad, since Steph is not defending him against his sworn nemesis, Damian.

Steph pulled out her very best nonchalant smile. “See you later, boys!” She put down the glass, deliberately just shy of where it was before. It made another mark on the table. Oh, Alfred was going to be pissed. 

Steph calmly walked out of the kitchen. The boys must have been so shocked by her audacity that neither of them said a word. They just gawked at her as she left the room. 

Steph timed it perfectly so that when she left the kitchen, Alfred was coming into it. She knew he was coming, after all. Tim and Damian would too, if they pulled their heads out of their asses for a while to listen.

“Master Tim! Master Damian! What have you done to the table?” Steph walked on. Yeah, she was not going to take the fall for this one. The boys deserved Alfred’s wrath, if only because they were so lost in their own argument that they couldn’t hear him coming. Besides, Alfred’s scolding would give her time to disappear so that she would not become the new target of their wrath. Now, where would the best place be in this humongous manor to avoid two vigilantes for a few hours? 

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr (huilian.tumblr.com)


End file.
